Not A Chance In Hell
by andyblackcl0ud
Summary: Your name is Dave Strider. Its your last year in high school. Not that you've really accomplished anything. You're trying to finally get your shit together, when a certain blue eyed boy comes and turns your world upside down.
1. Chapter 1

Great. It was the best time of the day in the Stirder household.

Morning.

Of course, to celebrate such a joyous event in this household, my bro does what he always does:  
He slams the fucking door open and tugs my sheets off me and exclaims in his thick Texan drawl:  
"Rise and shine lil' man."  
Of course to make the experience way better, as if it wasn't already fucking perfect, that creepy fucking puppet of his was slouched over his shoulder. I swear that thing is secretly planning to kill me.

I started flailing my arms as my only defense against the impending horror of having to wake up and go to school. Summer vacation went by fast as usual, but with the heat in Texas, does summer ever actually fucking end?  
As I grumble and get up out of bed, Bro smiles at me, because nothing makes Bro Strider happy than seeing his favorite little brother miserable. Or at least that's sure as hell what it seems like. I sometimes wonder why I, David Elizabeth Strider, out of all the people on this stupid planet had to be given a brother whose calling is waking up at 4:00 AM in the morning to make puppet sex toys.

After slipping on a shirt and some black jeans, I went to go see what was for breakfast. Of course Bro being the culinary expert he is, microwaved some 2 day old pizza we had in our fridge. I took a few bites, because it was all I could manage without wanting to throw up. I then went to go brush my teeth, take a shower, and after my typical hair styling routine, I was out the door.  
I went to go sit at the bus stop that was a block away from my apartment building. Since Bro wasn't around to stop me, I grabbed a cigarette from my hoodie pocket and lit it up. As I took my first drag, I felt a vibration from the same pocket. I grabbed my iPhone.  
It was my sister. "Have a nice day at school Dave. Let me know how everything went!"  
My sister lived in New York with her mom, but sometimes she'd visit. I got along pretty well with her, but somehow she always could see right through me and she was the only person who could keep up with my smartass metaphorical rambling. My ironic demeanor was transparent to the mind of Rose Lalonde and her psychoanalysis.

A minute or two after I finished my cigarette and put it out, I got on my bus. There were way too many new students. Why the fuck was everybody moving to Texas suddenly?  
Shit. I actually had to sit next to somebody. Usually I always got a seat to myself and people were too intimidated by me and my "coolness" to sit next to me. I scanned the bus to find a decent person to sit with. I walked over to find a really pale kid with black hair and a gray turtleneck. He might as well have had a giant neon sign that says "Put me out of my misery" attached to his forehead. It was either him or that juggalo sitting behind us. I sat down assuming he'd just scoot over and ignore me, as is common bus riding courtesy. I nudged for him to move his book bag for me to sit down. He just sat there with his arms folded, not moving an inch.  
"Look kid, its not like I have a fucking choice. Move over."  
He looked at me from the corner of his eye but still didn't move. I grabbed his book bag and threw it on the floor as he huffed in defeat and I took a seat. He mumbled under his breath.  
"Fucking douchebag."  
"And a good morning to you too sweetheart." I smirked knowing I one-upped him. The juggalo smiled a bit at the awkward encounter, as if he was used to this shit. Then he leaned his lanky neck up to the "sweetheart" and started asking him how his summer was. Somehow clownboy was best friends with that little prick. I wasn't going to question it, I just ignored them and tuned them out until the bus arrived to school. This year wasn't going to be any different from any other year. I was still that one kid nobody dared to come up to because he was way too damn cool for existence. Or at least thats what I've convinced myself. I could easily admit that I just didn't like being around large groups of people and that "the whole silent cool kid who never takes off his sunglasses" gimmick was just a way of hiding how much I really fucking hated myself. However, I'm Dave fucking Strider and I'm too cool to be lonely or sad. If I can handle a sword fight with Bro, I can handle being alone right?  
"Get up shitstain, the bus is already here!"  
The grey sweater kid pushed me out of the seat. I sighed and got my shit and hopped off the bus. I scratched the back of my head and wondered what the fuck crawled up that kids ass when the juggalo kid came up behind me.  
"Don't worry, that motherfucker don't mean no harm"  
Oh god this kid fucking reeked of weed. I've heard rumors of drug dealers around this place. Guess he was one of them. He gave me a stoned smile and walked into the building, catching up with his bitchy little friend.

As I got on into the building, somebody bumped into me. I turned around expecting another douchebag, but sduddenly the person flinched and looked up at me scared shitless. He had a schedule in his hand and looked lost.  
"E-excuse me, I'm new here from Washington... Washington State! Do you know where room 304 is?" He had black thick-rimmed glasses and big icy blue eyes. His face was round and he had rosy cheeks and a giant toothy smile to top it all off. This kid was going to get his ass kicked at a place like this.  
"Yeah, yeah, its like up the stairs and to the left over there." I pointed to show him where he should go.  
"Thanks!" he chirped happily with his bucktoothed grin and walked up the stairs.  
I walked up the other set of stairs and to your next class. I couldn't really tell yet, but shit was going to be different this year. For better or worse.


	2. Chapter 2

**JOHN'S POV:**

I was scared shitless.

Washington was hell on Earth. Could Texas be any better?

Not like any place is safe for a dweeb like me.

"Have a nice day." my dad said in a formal manner, removing the pipe from his mouth.  
He put the pipe back in his mouth as you exited the car and encountered a sea of people. I closed the door behind my and he drifted away, off to his new job he got in this city. That's why I moved here. My palms were sweating already at the thought of entering a school again. My heart pounded in my chest as memories flashed through my head. The beatings, the laughing, the insults. I was known back in Washington as "Eggbutt". Here I might as well have the same name. Not like they'd see me any differently.

I grabbed my schedule from the back pocket of my shorts. Room 304? Where the hell was that? I was so busy staring at my schedule I didn't even see who I was bumping into! I bumped into about 3 people already, one of them glaring at me. I was already making an awful impression and it was only the first 5 minutes of the school day, great. Then I bumped into the last person I should be bumping into. As I tried to walk in a straight path, I bumped head first into a thin boy with a red hoodie. He smelled a bit of cigarettes. Ew! Why do people even think smoking is remotely cool? I figured I'd at least ask him where room 304 was.

He turned around took look at me. He was wearing huge aviators, so I couldn't tell whether he was angry or apologetic. His expression was apathetic and he looked way too cool to even acknowledge my existence. I flinched as he stepped closer to me. Suprisingly he just looked down at me calmly.  
"E-excuse me, I'm new here from Washington... Washington State! Do you know where Room 304 is?"  
He looked down at me and then replied casually.  
"Yeah, yeah, its like up the stairs and to the left over there."  
He had platinum blonde hair that was smooth and neatly styled and freckles lightly peppered his pale face, free of acne unlike my own. He was tall and slender, compared to how short and pudgy I was. I gave him a huge smile, grateful that he helped me.  
"Thanks!"  
I walked up to my next class, ready to start the day. His directions were helpful and as I walked into room 304, my biology class. I looked forward to biology class, it seemed more fun than boring Chemistry or Earth Science. I took an available seat at the front of the room. A girl with long black messy hair and blue lipstick sat next to me. The first day of biology was typical, we received a syllabus and list of supplies and they went over the rules and expectations. We were assigned huge heavy textbooksfull of chapters about animals, plants, cells, and germs. After about 90 minutes class ended and as I put the new, heavy textbook in my book bag.  
"Heeeeeeeey new kid."  
It was the blue lipstick girl.  
She had on huge glasses similar to mine, but more vintage looking, more stylish. She had a smirk on her face and a fiery look in her eyes, which were a shade lighter and slightly more aqua than mine. Was she? No, she couldn't be... nobody flirts with John Egbert.  
"Vriska... uh I think we need to talk." A boy in a wheelchair with a mohawk put his hand on her shoulder.  
She reluctantly turned around. "Fiiiiiiiine Tavros..."  
He wheeled himself out of the classroom and Vriska followed him. I made my way out, confused. She was pretty, but something about her was a bit off.  
A girl with a cane and red hair came up behind me. She must have been blind because she couldn't tell which direction she was facing me. She was wearing glasses with pointy red lens which I thought was strange, but they did look pretty cool. She seemed concerned.  
"Stay away from her."

She then walked on her way, using her cane to see which way to walk.

This school was full of a lot of strange, mysterious kids. However, your mind kept going back to one of them. The cool kid with the sunglasses.  
I had US History for my second period. It was uneventuful and also full of strange people. It went by the same as my biology class. Another syllabus and more supplies. I felt my stomach rumble and just my luck, I had lunch right after the bell rang. I grabbed my Ghostbusters lunchbox and went to go eat lunch. I peered into the cafeteria and it seemed everybody had their own little group. That girl Vriska was sitting with her wheelchaired friend, and from the looks of it, they were arguing. Sitting near them was a girl with a blue cat hat who was snuggling a muscular, yet creepy-looking football player with long black hair.  
I looked at another table, this one seemed even more intimidating. There was a really popular looking girl with a pink headband pulling her hair back from her face, she seemed friendly. I couldn't say the same for her friend with the purple streak in his hair. He had his hair gelled back and was wearing glasses almost exactly like mine, except he looked like a total hipster. He leaned back in his seat with folded arms, acting as if his shit didn't stink. Across from him was a boy who I couldv'e sworn had eyes that were different colors. One of his eyes was brown and one was blue from closer observation. He was holding hands with a girl who's eyes were jet black and vacant looking. No way I was going to sit here either. I could've sworn that hipster guy glared at me as I walked by their table.  
I tried to find another table and this one had more empty seats, but this one had the scariest looking people by far. The moment I reached for a chair, this short pale kid in a grey turtleneck glared at me angrily. I decided not to sit there and moved my hand away from the chair. His friend, who was wearing crusty looking clown paint on his face, smiled at me apologetically as I walked away anxious. I exited through the back door of the cafeteria and saw the empty benches. It was way too hot to eat outside. It wasn't too hot for the cool kid though. I decided against my better judgement to sit at his bench.  
I figured out of courtesy, I'd start a conversation with him.  
"Hey!"  
He looked at me and nodded. "Sup."  
Oh my god he actually replied. I of course being the expert friendmaker I was awkwardly twiddled my thumbs and started to eat my turkey sandwich my father packed for me. I had to think of a way to save this conversation! I can't let this oppotunity to talk to him slip.  
"How are your classes?" Oh sure John, like he fucking cares about school as much as you.  
"Stupid." He shrugged.  
"Uh, I'm sorry if I'm annoying you! I can move if you want, but-"  
"Don't sweat it, I'm granting you RSVP acess to the Strider table."  
I laughed. This guy was funny. "Thanks!... Whats your name?"  
"Dave."  
"I'm John. Nice to meet you!" I extended your hand out to shake his, but instead he balled my hand up in a fist and bumped it with his.  
This kid was even tool cool for handshakes. I tried my best not to smile like a complete dork as I finished my sandwich.  
I think I may have finally made an actual friend at school for once.

**DAVE'S POV:**

I got back on the bus after a long ass first day.

It was the usual. Sit and do nothing for eight hours and try to ignore every urge to punch certain people in the face. Especially that grey sweater kid. As usual people avoided me. Not only did I seem way too cool to approach, I had also gotten in a lot of fights my freshman year. Since I wasn't on a fucking sports team, I was a prime target for the bullies to beat my ass, but I wasn't the typical target, I was the child of Bro Strider, a man who could kill you with one swing of a sword. The bullies learned not to go near me after a few broken bones.  
Thankfully I got a seat to myself and I could relax and listen to my beats without some annoying douchebag in a grey sweater annoying me.  
Shit.  
At least it wasn't grey sweater kid. Instead it was clownboy. I scooted over. As creepy as this kid was, I figured if I let him sit next to me he wouldn't do any harm. Grey sweater kid was over near the back next to the blind chick that was most likely hitting on me in 3rd period. Clownboy relaxed and put his own headphones in, relaxing and going into a trance. The bus finally dropped me off. I lit up a cigarette again and unwinded. I was already fucking tired of school and it was only the first day.  
I figured I'd text Rose.

"oh man you wont believe how fun school was. i got textbooks and a syllabus. i was so damn happy i could pee myself."

She replied quickly with her own smartass remark:  
"Oh sounds riveting Dave! Have you actually made any friends or are you still too cool to maintain a healthy social life?"  
You smirked. Typical Rose.  
"theres been a lot of kids moving to texas lately. i guess everybody wants to be where i am these days. not that i can blame them"  
"Oh of course Mr Strider! I'm packing my suitcase to go live in Texas as we speak! I can't possibly imagine a life without seeing your charming demeanor on a daily basis."  
"no seriously though, these new kids are fucking weird. except this one kid whos pretty okay i guess. hes kinda a total dork but hes alright."  
"Oh Dave, its a bit too early to fall in love don't you think?"  
Give me a fucking break.  
"why rose i havent invited you to the wedding yet have i?"  
"In all seriousness Dave, this can be a great start. I mean as much as you enjoy talking to me, don't you think you can handle having a friend who isn't bound by siblinghood to talk to you?"  
"yeah sure because having smakll talk with somebody ive only known for less than a day counts as a friend. sure."  
Somebody wanting to be friends with an asshole like me?  
Fat fucking chance.

I put out my cigarette and entered the building. Of course our house was on the 10th floor. How else could me and Bro have strifes. When I entered the house, the only greeting I got was a loud SQUEEEEEEEEEAK! from one of Bro's various smuppets on the floor. I instantly flinched at the sight of the plush rump. I looked around and there was a note on the kitchen.

"Off on a business trip in Japan. See you in a week lil' man."  
I crumpled the note and threw it in the trash.  
How fucking dare you.  
Always finding a fucking excuse to stay away from me.

Bro and I had always seemed to have a difficult relationship. He's actually my biological father. He slept with Rose's mom when they were young and Rose's mom and him didn't end up together, due to the fact my brother realized he was gay. They werre both about 16 and Bro dropped out of high school to raise me. We used to spend so much time together and he taught me everything about rapping, mixing beats, and sword fighting. Eventually, his "ironic" puppet obsession blossomed into a multimillion dollar puppet porn company and he was always off on business trips once I got older. Bro grew less and less patient as the years passed and I grew into a difficult teen. He was home less and he started being more angry. I couldn't really blame him, all I knew was as much as I tried to hide it, I missed him.

I went into his room grabbed one of his hats and buried my face into it, inhaling the scent of his hair gel.

Instead of making me feel better, it only made my heart heavier. I have no friends, my sister probably thinks I'm a fucking idiot, and not even the idiots at my school bothered to talk to me. Soon that little dweeb I met will realize what an asshole I am and leave like all the others who've tried being my friend. Fuck I didn't even notice how hard I was crying. Striders don't fucking cry, that's what Bro always made it seem like. Bro wasn't the type of guy to kiss my fucking booboos, hell half the booboos I got were from him.

The others? From myself.

I grabbed the razor from my pillowcase. It was getting dull and was encrusted in dried blood. I scraped it clean with my fingernail and dug into my skin with it. I pressed on it to make it cut deeper, and savored the sting I felt on my arm once it slid across my skin, leaving a small cut laced with scarlet beads of blood. I repated this about 10 times until the blood started dripping from my arm. I went to the bathroom the clean up. I looked like a fucking tiger. The oldest scars were whitish-purple and puffed up, the others were pink and flaking or dark brown.  
Bro was none the wiser.


	3. Chapter 3

**DAVE'S POV:**

I opened my eyes slightly as I heard the annoying buzz of my alarm clock. I hit the off button and went back to sleep. I'm not going to school today.

**JOHN'S POV:**

I sat outside at lunch again. I expected Dave to just be sitting there ahead of time like yesterday. It was extremely hot just like yesterday, a huge contrast to the cool relaxing summer weather in Washington. Dave could handle the heat just fine though, he even wore a hoodie. That kid sure is something else. I'd been thinking about him nonstop since yesterday. He could have easily just called me a dweeb and laughed and snickered at me, but instead he treated me with decency and respect, like I was his equal. Or perhaps he just didn't give a shit about anything. I went with the more positive thought. It was 5 minutes until lunch was over and still no sign of Dave. I didn't really feel hungry. I ate about a handfull of goldfish crackers and then just slumped over,staring at the brick exterior of the school, waiting for the bell to ring. The bell finally rang and as I got up to go to my final class, Vriska was staring at me with a feisty look in her eyes. She winked at me. I would have been flattered if it wasnt't so sudden and harsh. Tavros wheelede up next to her, glaring at me. Oh brother, this better not be a daily occurence. As I walked in the hallway, I could hear snickering from some of the students as I passed them. I was used to it, the same thing happened in Washington. I wasn't sure if they were snickering about my appearance or how I walked or the fact I was just really dweebish, but I knew it was something about me.

I sat down in 4th period. It was algebra class. We were learning about the pythargorean theorem. Oh what a snorefest! I already studied this in 8th grade. I grabbed my phone under my desk and decided out of boredom to text my sister Jade. She decided to stay in Washington with our grandpa. They were pretty much inseperable and she just loved his dog Bec.

"hey jade. :B"

"hi john! :DD hows school? i hope nobody in texas is a jerk to you :("

"nah, just as shitty as washington. there was one nice kid named dave, but i think hes more apathetic than nice i guess. at least he isnt pushing books out of my hands or launching spitballs at me."

"thats good! im sure he just wants to be your friend. :)"

Jade and I continued texting and I told her about Vriska.

"well if shes arguing with that boy everytime she flirts with you, im sure they're dating, seems like there's drama. you should stay away from that."

"that's actually some pretty good advice. thanks jade! :B"

The bell finally rang and I went to my locker.

I heard someone approach me from behind.

"Hey has Vriska been flirting with you?"

It was the blind girl.

"I think so? It's pretty hard to believe anybody would want m-"

She interrupted me.

"Just stay away from her, or you'll end up like Tavros."

"Um thanks, I guess? I never caught your name, what was it?"

She cackled and smiled. "Terezi. And yours?"

"John. Thanks for looking out for me Terezi!"

"Hehehe! You're welcome!"

Just when she walked away, somebody grabbed my shoulder from behind.

"Hey John, don't listen to her."

"Vriska! Hey sorry, I'm new here and I just really don't know anybody. I'm sure you and I can be friends or something."

"Of course we can John!" She smirked reassuringly.

"I hope Tavros doesn't think I'm stealing you away or something. I don't even know you yet! Plus I mean I respect his personal space and all..."

"Bluh! Don't worry about him, we're just going through stuff."

"Well okay I hope you guys work something out, my dad's picking me up. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I waved goodbye and left as fast as I could. I felt really nervous around her as if she was bigger than me and had some sort of control over me. Like me and Tavros were pawns to some chess game. However my mind was also excited at the tought that a girl, especially one as alluring and beautiful as Vriska could find me even remotely attractive. Why did Terezi hate her so much? Was she jealous? Yet I was also thinking about Dave. I could see him as the type to skip school, but why? He must be hiding a lot from people. A lot of people at this school seem to be hiding something.

**DAVE'S POV:**

My phone vibrated. Rose.

"Hello Dave, any luck with school lately?"

"oh hell yes. yours truly here is getting a fucking phd in rocket science as we speak. stephen hawking here is busy begging me to autograph his wheelchair. shit is crazy."

"You're skipping, aren't you? Those cute metaphors always give it away."

"oh no lets fucking call the swat team over to my house."

"Oh you're such a gem."

"a bright shining gem. i belong in the fucking smithsonian. fucking kings and queens in the 1600s killed eachother to possess my brilliance."

"Dave, anything troubling you? You seem to skip school often."

"rose you forgetr who you're talking to here. im currently the author of the greatest webcomic known to man and i can spit rhymes more sick than a fucking zombie with ebola."

"Sick rhymes and a mediocre "ironic" webcomic are defintely enough for Stephen Hawking to insist on obtaining your autograph."

"you bet your sweet ass they are. ive broken a barrier of irony across the universe. shit is reinventing the irony of quantum physics."

"Well Dave, I myself have some important ironic endeavors involving the study of quantum physics, so I'll text you once you realize that you're going to end up residing in a cardboard box if all you have to rely on for means of income is your ridiculous overplayed caucasian rapper schtick."

Fuck. There was no way I could outsmart her. She already knew I was a wreck.

I threw my phone off the bed and buried my face into a pillow.

**BRO'S POV:**

I walked off the plane. Jake was right behind me. "Dirk, how does Dave feel about you leaving him off on all these willy-nilly business trips?" Jake always seemed to wonder how me constantly leaving off to go places was affecting the little guy.

"Oh, hes used to it now. I'm sure the lil' man can fend for himself."

I taught him how to kill a man with one move, how to create a sick beat in 5 seconds flat, the art of irony sprinkled on top of irony spawning a new age of post irony derived from irony, and how to microwave pizza. The guy could probably manage to build a high rise apartment complex in a Sahara.

"Don't you think the little bloke misses you?"

I sighed. That little shit couldn't be any happier to see me leave. When I was little, the kid wouldn't leave my side. I had to pull him off my leg so he'd go to kindergarten. Poor kid was sobbing. "Bo! Pwease don't go. Bo!" It was heart breaking. Now the kid won't even look at me. He'd rather sit in his room all day working on that webcomic or writing music. Guess I can't blame him, he's gotten used to being away from me so long. Hes probably cut all emotional ties to me for all I know.

"Dirk, something wrong? You've been standing there pondering for a minute already!"

"Oh sorry."

Jake grabbed me close and whispered into my ear. "Don't worry love, I've booked us into quite the hotel, there's a lovers suite with our names on it, so for now don't let your mind scamper off and get consumed with a bunch of unpleasant bollocks."

That man always knew how to put my mind at ease. I smiled and playfully grabbed his ass.

"Shits gonna be off the chain." I smirked.


	4. Chapter 4

**BRO'S**** POV:**

Jake and I finally settled down into our hotel. It was nice, loft-like, sleek glass windows that gave us a breathtaking view of Tokyo. The usual. I always go here to discuss marketing and work on international trade concerning my business. My site rakes in about $500,000 dollars a week.

I remember when I first started my line of work. As a kid, I always had all kinds of sick nasty hobbies like sword fighting, equestrian sports, cosplaying, rapping, and reviewing video games. On top of my puppet site, I even have my own magazine, _Game Bro._ Eventually I decided to bring back ventriloquism. I created a new type of irony that defied irony itself, making a concept only the coolest of the cool kids understood, taking post irony and reshaping it into irony within irony. I was meta as fuck. However along with ventriloquism, I eventually discovered my sexuality. I realized I was gay and had to leave Roxy. A few months later, she was pregnant with Rose and Dave. I was only 16, I didn't even know how to drive yet, and here I was, a father to two kids. I decided to raise Dave, and Roxy decided to raise Rose. I was going through a dark time in my life.

To distract myself, I actually developed a non-ironic, serious passion for ventriloquism. I got my first puppet. I'm not sure how Lil Cal showed up or why I chose him, but its as if he was always there, as if he was what I had always needed in my life. I finally found my calling. After I made a shitty website and posted some videos, me and Cal were the Internets hottest item. Or at least we were among those who shared a common interest in puppet rump. I eventually got my own domain and decided to sell membership to my archive of puppet pictures and videos. I became a millionaire by the time I was 20. I still decided to hold on to my savings tightly and bought a modest apartment for Dave and I in downtown Houston. Along with more money, I was traveling more. Dave had to be alone most of the time, but I had taught him to fend for himself from an early age. When I first left, Dave ran up to me, hugging me tightly. "Bwo! Please don't go! I'll miss you!" His eyes were flooded with tears that dripped past his pointy shades that matched mine. My heart was broken, but it was either this or we'd lose our money to competitors and be broke in a few months as our stocks plummeted. I did this for him. Each month, I'd end up leaving. Dave fought more and more, but eventually he just got over it. He grew numb to it and accepted the hand he was dealt.

"Dirk? I'm going to take a stroll over to the jacuzzi! Would you care to join me?"

I turned around and Jake was in nothing but a bathrobe. My mind eventually traveled to more... pleasant thoughts. I was down there in a flash. Good thing we had the hot tub all to ourselves. Bathing suits were optional at this point.

**DAVE'S POV:**

I hadn't been to school since last Friday. It was already Wednesday. The amount of cuts on my arm went from about 20 to 60. My arm was covered in encrusted scabs, some healing, some fresh. I had about 10 missed texts from Rose. Rose eventually became very concerned. Now she gave a shit. Just fucking now. I threw my phone onto the floor and got up out of bed. I smelled pretty terrible since I hadn't showered since Bro left. I hadn't eaten either and my stomach was singing a fucking opera chorus of rumbles. I figured I'd at least go outside, smoking in my room was making it dirty and reeking of ashes. I put on a black beanie to hide how greasy my hair was. I put on a red shirt and some black skinnies and put on my headphones. I decided to walk a few blocks, I needed to buy another pack of cigarettes anyway. I walked into the corner store, a pinging noise sounded when I opened the door. I couldn't buy cigarettes since I wasn't going to be 18 until December. I usually would cop off of Bro, but he left and took his cigarettes with him except one pack, which I had tried to ration out carefully, but in the end it didn't last me.

"Hey motherfucker, whats the haps on you? I haven't all and seen you around lately."  
The voice was scratchy and drawn out. Clownboy.  
"Sup clownboy."  
He had a six pack of grape Faygo in his hand. Who the fuck drinks that shit anymore?  
"Just gettin me some of this wicked elixir brother."  
There was somebody behind him who looked about 25 years old. He had like 30 piercings in his lip. Okay, maybe 5, but it was still creepy as hell. He had his face painted as well, but like a skull. He was wearing a skeleton hoodie and purple combat boots. His hair was even curlier and shaggier than his younger brother's. I figured I'd ask him if he could buy cigarettes for me.  
"Hey uh..."  
"Gamzee. Gamzee Makara. And this motherfucker is Kurloz."  
"Hey Kurloz, if I hand you this five dollar bill, will you buy me a pack of some Marlboro blacks? With menthol."  
Kurloz smiled and nodded and gave me a thumbs up. He wasn't much of a talker.  
They went up and purchased their Faygo and Kurloz got me my cigarettes.  
"Appreciate it."  
I held my fist up to fistbump him, but he didn't bump me back. Instead he smiled back. I walked out but Gamzee followed.  
"Hey motherfucker, you think you could hook a brother up with some of that?" He pointed at my cigarettes. I handed him one. He pulled out a purple lighter and he lit his cigarette up. I pulled out my cigarette and he lit it for me.  
"I never quite caught your name brother."  
"Dave."  
"Oh. Dave. Honk!"  
"Yeah honk... anyway whats the deal with you and all these new kids?"  
"I up and came from Detroit with Kurloz. Our dad all and wanted to move down here."  
"Your dad?" I was surprised these guys had a normal dad.  
"Well yeah, our motherfucking grandpa all and died. Ol goat's swam off to shangri-la. Our dad finally took custody of us again, that salty motherfucker."  
"Oh sorry to hear about your goat or whatever."  
"You're a funny motherfucker. I like you Dave."  
Gamzee seemed harmless, but he sure was fucking weird. Same with Kurloz.  
"Hey brother, I saw you all up and gettin your wicked jams on when we rode the bus that time. What sick rhymes do you like?"  
"Only the sickest and nastiest bro. I do some rapping, I'm also trying to be a DJ." I showed him my Soundcloud page from my phone, ignoring Rose's 800-something texts.  
"Thats the motherfucking tits! I all up and got a Soundcloud too brother. Its terminallyCapricious. Gimme a listen sometime. Maybe we can spit some rhymes together."  
"I guess." I definitely wasn't down with any sort of "clowns", but I didn't want to say no. The guy looked like he was secretly some psychopath or something to be honest.  
I put out my cigarette on the sidewalk. Kurloz walked out of the store with a girl who had fluffy hair and curvy lips, almost like a cat.  
"I gotta scramble brother, I hope your day is full of miracles." He shook my hand and walked off with Kurloz and the girl, who was supposedly his girlfriend. I could see them using sign language in the distance. Across the street, I heard another door open. It was some weird "novelty gifts and pranks shop". There were some Ghostbusters shirts and stuffed bunnies in the display window. It was the kind of place that never had ANY customers when you walked by it yet was still in business. The boy who opened the door was the last person I hoped it would be. I remembered I wasn't wearing my hoodie. I guess Gamzee was cool enough to not bring up my scars, I could've sworn he had some too on his face. Little welts behind his paint...

"Dave! Dave!"  
John was waving at me, jumping up and down as if I was too fucking blind to notice him.


	5. Chapter 5

**JOHN'S POV:**

I always had to go to my dads store and help him after school. He had his own job as a business man, but running prank stores was a family tradition of ours. I left to go get some food to eat and let my older sister Jane run the store for the time being. When I opened the door, I couldn't believe who I saw.

"Dave! Dave!" I jumped up and down so he could see me. He glanced in my direction and crossed the sidewalk, making sure there was no cars driving on the street.

"Sup." He looked like he just woke up, but it was already 5:00. He reeked of cigarettes and looked sickly.  
"Where were you? I haven't seen you all week! Have you been sick?"  
"Yeah you could say that."  
"Wait if you're so sick, then why'd I see you and Gamzee smoking cigarettes a minute ago?"  
He looked nervous. I should've known better.  
"Playing hooky, huh? Well I mean I won't judge but I hope you don't end up dropping out or whatever. I can tell you what homew-" I was interrupted.  
"No its cool dude, thanks anyway." Geez! How did this guy end up in 12th grade?  
"Well anyway, you've been missing out on a lot. Homecoming is already being planned, theres going to be a dance in September, maybe you'd be interested!"  
"Fat chance Egbert. Or maybe I could go, and like my date would be that nerdy girl you made a bet on to see if she'd be prom queen and after finding out about the douche move you pulled, she decides to go to prom anyway and wins that shit then rubs it in the popular girls face, and she grabs my face and we play an intense game of tonsil hockey in front of everybody. Fuck yeah were gonna reenact the plot of Sixteen Candles or some shit."  
"Heheh yeah... well uh this girl named Feferi is coordinating it since she's the president of student council. She really nice, I bet it'd be fun to go!"  
"Feferi... rings a bell. Whatever dude, I mean I dunno, I'll see if I'm busy then." He awkwardly had his arms behind his back the whole time, like he was hiding something. He didn't seem like his usual self. He responded like he was being held at gunpoint. Even though he was sick and pale looking, his golden-brown freckles looked beautiful in the sun. His lips looked pink and soft against his pale skin. He was definitely something to look at. Unlike me. I'm pretty sure I was annoying him so I decided to end the conversation.  
"I'll see you around Dave! I'm gonna go grab a bite to eat."  
"Later Egbert."

**DAVE'S POV:**

It was fucking pulling teeth I swear. Not like I hated the guy, in fact I enjoyed being around him for some reason. He was one of the few people that was ever actually happy to see me these days and he wasn't intimidated by me and he put up with my asshole-ish sarcasm and stupid metaphors. I wish I hadn't been so paranoid about him seeing my arms so I could chill with him longer. He must've thought I was annoyed by him. He was a dork in every way, but his bucktoothed smile, his eyes, his rosy complexion...I wanted to grab him and just hug the fuck out of him. I could listen to his lame ramblings all day, his voice was so nasally and bubbly, he was so gooberish and upbeat...

He was beautiful.  
This was going to be a trainwreck of a school year. I went home and replied to all of Rose's texts, telling her I was fine and would return to school tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

**DAVE'S POV:**

I couldn't really sleep last night. I was tossing and turning, my heart pounding. I couldn't stop worrying. How the fuck am I going to just go back to school after all of this shit? How can I just face John? Why the fuck am I even thinking about John so much? His face, his red rosy cheeks, his soft reddish pink lips, his beautiful blue eyes. That dorky smile with those perfect white goofy teeth. I just want to be around him and talk to him and just show him I'm not as much of an asshole as everyone thinks I am. I want to hear his voice and hear him talk about those stupid fucking movies he likes, I want to make him laugh and smile. He makes me want to smile, even thinking about him makes the corners of my mouth tingle as if I'm about to give the stupidest grin ever. I got up and hopped in the shower finally. The water calmed my nerves and the warmth of the steam comforted me as I closed my eyes and let the water soak into my pores. After washing myself, I grabbed the blow dryer and my other styling equipment and products and made sure to make my hair look extra nice. I shaved a bit since I'd gotten rather stubbly the past few days. I couldn't pull off a beard like Bro, my hair grew in all patchy and neckbeard-like, shit was hideous. My scabs were flaking off and itching. I looked into the mirror, staring into the eyes of my reflection. As if the members of my family didn't act weird enough, our eyes looked weird too. Rose's were a nice shade of lilac while Bro's were a gorgeous fiery-amber orange. Mine were red, fucking period blood red, specks of scarlet and mahogany. My shades were totally cool and shit, but all hell would break loose if anybody saw how fucked up my eyes were. I put on my shades with disdain. I grabbed myself a bag of fruit snacks for breakfast and was out the door in typical fashion. When I got on the bus, Gamzee scooted over, moving his bookbag. I sat next to him. "Hey motherfucker, you check out my sick jams yet?"  
I didn't know how to reply, he was talented, not gonna lie, but his whole concept was fucking ridiculous. The mirthful messiahs? The dark carnival? This guy was fucking nuts. Plus one of his songs had like a 2 minute "solo" of him honking. What was even this guys deal? I did at least respect him though, as ridiculous as it was, it was creative too. I would've never thought of that myself, but then again I didn't smoke weed everyday. Before I could reply somebody else spoke for me.  
"Leave him alone shitstain! Nobody wants to fucking hear your clown jerkfest garbage excuse for the shitty musical genre known as rap."  
Oh great, the turtleneck kid. His eyes were red. The same color as mine. His hair was black, but it looked dyed, his skin was evrn milkier and paler than mine and his eyes were hollowed and deep set with brownish dark circles.  
"Woah chill Miss Shouty pants, its all good. Makara's got some talent."  
"Oh don't tell me you've joined along the SS Jerkfest, haven't you? Why don't you just fucking go make out with him somewhere instead of gracing us with your fucking presence?!"  
I turned to the girl sitting next to him.  
"Sup Terezi?" Terezi was in my third period, we became friends because she enjoyed the way I smelled? Whatever, she was pretty fun to be around even if she was fucking weird. I guess since shes blind, shes gotta entertain herself some other way.  
"Hey Dave! Did you wash with Old Spice? You smell delicious!"  
"Of course I did I was all like oh man I gotta smell good for Terezi so Old Spice it was."  
"How thoughtful of you Dave! Hehehe!"  
The guy next to her rolled his eyes and groaned, then turned to me with a curious look on his face.  
"Wait, not like I give a shit if you dropped dead or something, but where the fuck were you the past few days?"  
Fuck.  
"I was sick dude, I fuckin had a cold and shit, I was swimming along NyQuil river on a boat of Kleenex. So many tissues it looked like a 13 year old boy found porn the first time. Shit was awful."  
"Thank you for the nausea-inducing description you repulsive dickwad."  
"Look dude I'm just going to ask this, do you fucking yell at everybody like a prepubescent little bitch or something?"  
His face reddened like a 4 year old whos balloon was taken from them.  
"Oh he's always like this, it's how he shows his undying affection for us, isn't that right Karkles?"  
"Woah, no wonder you're so mad all the time, I'd be more pissed than a girl who's cousin dumped her on Jerry Springer if my name was something dumb like Karkles. Who the fuck named you, the Humane Society?"  
"KARKAT! KARKAT FUCKING VANTAS!" He screamed so loud the whole bus stared at him except Gamzee, who was still looking as stoned and lazy as ever.  
"Oh shit. You might need to speak up, didn't hear you Vantas."  
Terezi was cackling hysterically.  
I could get used to this bunch of losers. I got off the bus and the first thing I saw was John standing in a crowd, his presence shining through it like a beacon as his eyes met mine and lit up.

**JOHN'****S**** POV:  
**Dave did it! He finally showed up. I figured he needed a nice weekend to himself to feel better. He looked better than the last time I saw him. I started waving at him as he inched closer to me.  
"Sup Egbert."  
"Hey Dave! How was your weekend."  
"Fucking amazing."  
"Whatever you say Dave! Mine was awesome I hung out with a new friend."  
"Well I mean I wouldn't really call what we did ha-" I interrupted him.  
"No not you! On Saturday me and my friend Vriska went to the mall."  
"Vriska?"  
As if on cue a third voice joined in  
"Yeah, and your name is?" She smirked at Dave, her lips blue as ever.  
"Dave."  
"Oh are you one of John's friends?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well John, I need to talk to youuuuuuuu, sorry Dave."  
Dave shrugged his shoulders and walked away.  
Once Dave turned his back, Vriska's blue eyes started tearing up. She had been confiding in me about some problems she was having with Tavros lately. It seemed no matter how much she had tried to be there for him, he never seemed to appreciate her.  
"That loser is lucky I even talk to him! All I want is for him to be confident but he just whines all the time and complains about me."  
"What a jerk! I might not have known you for long, but you seem like an amazing person, Tavros seems like an ungrateful asshole."  
"Really?"  
"Yes, you deserve someone so much better!"  
She looked into my eyes with her icy cerulean eyes piercing me. "I do, don't I?"  
She hugged me tightly. "You're the best John. You reeeeeeeeally are."  
I felt weak at the knees. She knew how to make a guy fall fast.

**DAVE'S POV:**

That girl seemed off to me. She was tall, slender and beautiful, her hair was messy, but in a sexy way. She wore bold blue lipstick and even blue eyeliner. She dressed tomboyish but you could tell she had an amazing body. Her eyes looked like they could see through your every flaw. Anybody besides John could tell. She was the kind of person who reels you in like a sucker and even as you're gasping for breath and want to let go, you can't, you can't leave somebody as perfect and fucked up as her. John had no clue what he was in for.  
"Uh hey, sorry if I am bothering you, but it seems my girlfriend is spending a lot of time around your friend, the one in glasses."  
I looked behind me to see a weak, small tan boy in a wheelchair pushing his way into the school entrance. His arms were the only muscular thing on his weak, tiny body. He had a mo-hawk and a septum piercing. Why the fuck is his asking me about this shit?  
"Yeah I guess, I haven't been here for three days dude, I just got back today."  
"Well could you please tell him that uh she is mine and he needs to watch out."  
"Whatever dude, I understand. She seems like a bitch."  
"She is... a bitch. But I love her very much."  
"Why?"  
"I don't know, its complicated..."  
"Well I'm going to class, I'll watch out for Vriska."  
"Thank you uh..."  
"Dave."  
"My name is Tavros. Tavros Nitram."  
I walked to my first period concerned. Once lunch came by, John went to my spot as usual to sit with me. He couldn't stop talking about Vriska. His eyes lit up like sun hitting against an ocean. My stomach was twisting in knots. The boy was in love with her. No. This doesn't need to happen. Yet I just wanted the asshole to be happy, even if it was with Vriska.


End file.
